MLUS is the short form for Melanin Laden Ugly Skin, a geographic and genetic disorder prevalent all over the world but with concentrations in South Asia, South East Asia, Middle East, Latin America and Africa (Or the portion of living world designated as non-Western countries). People suffering from this disorder often suffer from increased levels of the pigment melanin in their skins which renders their skin complexion darker and sometimes way darker than the acceptable limit. Other salient features of these people include a history of centuries of living under the colonial rule serving mostly light colored rulers.
How is it contracted?
If you know anything about this disorder you would know that it is considered worse than HIV AIDS. Most people are born dark because of their geographical location while the rest are a pathetic result of poor choice of life partners by their parents.
Inheriting dark skin, lifelong attempts to lighten it in order to appear beautiful and constant mental pain over your skin color.
Unfortunately, there are no cures to MLUS but certain treatments do exist which make it seem less obvious and hence less horrible. Like any other disorder, prevention is better than cure here as well. Following are some of the available treatments to reduce the pain of this disorder:
1. Always try to be white. Remember every day is a new beginning and where you can be lighter than the day before. It's an on-going journey. Use tonnes of chlorinated products on your face, body, and intimate areas. You are in luck here as there are so many products to choose from. Cheap, openly available Hydrogen peroxide to Garnier Skin Whitening cream, there’s something suitable for every type of budget.
2. Be humble and never forget your lowly place as a dark person.
3. Pleasantly accept derogatory comments and patronizing from people who are even an iota of a shade lighter than you are
4. Since you will virtually never see yourselves and your likes on television, movies and other media, learn to live like a social and cultural vampire which means that spending time in sun is a huge no-no.
5. Remain marginalized and never question whatever is construed as beautiful.
6. Marry lighter people. Silently hope and actively try for your kids to not turn out like yourself. There are skin lightening creams for kids as well! Hallelujah!
7. It is ok to have bouts of self-pity and constant fights with God, Ishwar, Allah, Buddha, Jesus, Till Lindemann, or No God, for making you too dark
8. Put lighter people up on a pedestal.
9. Decline yourself the privilege of wearing certain colors in which you look too dark.
10. Hate yourself (and the people who have the same complexion as you do) until you attain the socially acceptable amounts of lightness.
11. Always try to change yourself. You can never even dare to think that you are perfect the way you are, you absolutely have to believe that there is something wrong with you. So keep trying to fix it so that our society keeps riding the cycle of our fake sense of Eurocentric privilege forever.
Also, its ok to be smart when you are dark but it is NOT OK, NEVER EVER OK to be beautiful when you are dark.
Wait...What? An Indian American woman named Nina Duvulri is the new Miss America.
That's so cool. Let me google her picture…
What the …? She isn't even that pretty. These White people obviously don't know what is considered beautiful in India. How’s that even possible? How could she be so confident with that dark, poor complexion to actually tryout in a beauty pageant? She would not have survived even the first round of Miss India contest.
Anyways, back to MLUS…
Listen to me, where are you going? I was telling you about MLUS, wait wai....